Wednesday, May 6, 2009

And so it begins ...

I have always heard that parents are known worry warts. And that they second guess most decisions they make in regards to their children. Well, I am now in that same boat. And I know it's only the beginning.

Alex started attending a daycare when he was 5 months old (before that, my mom was keeping him.) These were the first people, outside of family, that we had left him with. A good friend of mine (whose daughter also goes there) recommended the center, and although I was not overly impressed with the center as a whole, I absolutely loved the baby room teacher. And after all, that's who he is going to spend all of his day with, right? Her name is Ms. Kamlah and I LOVE her. She is in her early 60s and has bookoos of years experience working with babies (12 years just at this particular center.)

Well, my job is going to be changing soon and my office is relocating from Dallas to Houston. Several people in my office are losing their jobs, and by some miracle, instead of losing MY job, the company offered me the option to work from home. That sounds like a dream come true, because I currently have an hour plus commute (one way) each day. And I'm nervous about the changes to my job duties, but that's a whole other topic. The only other thing is Alex's school is currently half way between home and work, and once I start working from home, it won't be convenient at all to get to anymore.

So we made the decision to move him to a new daycare, right by our neighborhood (5 min drive). Fantastic, right? Yea. Except that I feel HORRIBLE for taking him away from his friends and especially Ms. Kamlah. Last night when I picked him up, I was talking to her and there's been lots of changes recently - new director, teachers leaving, etc - and I asked her what her plans were for herself. She said that she would be lying if she said she was still happy there, and that she does not agree with most of the recent changes. But she said that she feels indebted to the babies; they depend on her and she does not think she can leave them. She said (and I completely believe this) that every night when she lays down to go to sleep, each baby's face goes through her mind and she thinks about whether or not she gave that baby enough attention, or if she fed that baby on time, etc. And she is totally like that - she is amazing. She said how hard it is for her when babies move up to the toddler room because she doesn't get to see them much anymore. I almost cried when she was talking to me, because we have not turned in our 2 week notice yet and it is going to kill me to take Alex away from her. He's been there for 10 mos and they know everything he's been through - with his club feet, and his horrible bouts of reflux those first 9 months of his life, and they know his schedule and his personality and his likes/dislikes. It scares me that I'll be now giving him to brand new people that we don't know, and that don't know him.

BUT his new school will be more of a "school" and a better learning environment. I will say that where he is now is basically babysitting - except when he's with Kamlah. She is not his official teacher anymore now that he has moved to the Infant II room, but she is just on the other side of a 1/2 wall and keeps close tabs on her babies that move up. That is very reassuring to me. His new school has lesson plans and a structured schedule and I know in the end it will be the best thing for him- I can only imagine how fast he will learn and grow. And I know it's completely selfish of me to feel so bad about taking him away from his school and friends. But still ...

When I picked him up yesterday, he was playing with his little buddy, Thomas. They are close in age and seem to always stick together. I watched them for a few minutes before Alex saw me, and again, I started to feel so bad about taking that away from him. I know I'm being irrational, because he's 15 months for goodness sake, and I know very well that he'll make new friends, and that his new teachers will be just fine with him.

But I laid in bed last night, almost in tears, worrying about this. This is one of many decisions I will make for him over his lifetime and it is just a very scary thought to know that any wrong decision a parent makes, can rock their whole world. How do we know we're making the right ones??

So please keep us in your thoughts that this probably inconsequential (sp?) decision will be the right one for Alex and that starting June 1st, he will begin to soar and that he will enjoy his new teachers and friends. One major benefit that I will enjoy is the new school has video monitoring, so that topped with the fact I'll only be 5 min away, is a definite plus. :)

Thanks for "listening" to me vent. :)

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